speaking to an empty room

Today I decided to do a little stealth blogging. Stealth only because next to no one will read this post–and I’m fine with it. Kinda glad, actually. It takes the pressure off a little. I’m delivering my speech to an empty room. You can’t hear my “ums” or awkward silences or see my weird facial expressions.

If there isn’t an audience, why bother to write in the first place? Is it that unshakable immigrant value of not wasting money spent? Maybe. (We paid for this space after all.) I can’t confirm it yet, but it may simply be a matter of stewardship. Not stewardship of finances but of talents.

I rarely venture to write for an audience larger than two. Even mass email messages give me pause. And I’m generally a private person with lots of thoughts swirling in my mind. Often I’m thinking about a handful of topics all while putting the wrong lunch in my kids’ backpacks or standing in a room with no idea how I got there or what I wanted in the first place. Perhaps women are great at multi-tasking but I don’t multi-task while multi-thinking well.

Despite the small number of “readers” I have, I’ve been told that I write well. If I was still in my twenties, I would have dismissed the compliment thinking that person must not really know what they are talking about–not really know me. I have had to learn humility in order to accept the compliment. Maybe there is some truth to the fact that I can write.

If I can write, should I not use my abilities? God has given me the elements of who I am. Should I use them all? And simultaneously? In the same season of life? I don’t have an answer for that yet. But I’m willing to give writing a try. After all, there’s not much risk in delivering a speech to an empty room.

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